I’ve been on a diet since Thomas and I moved into our new place. Self-imposed, because I quite honestly ballooned being around my family for the last 2 years of being in Canada, and then coming to stay at Sue’s here in the UK and having her feed us all her wonderful home-cooked meal was like the final nail in the coffin of extra weight. Can’t resist those quiches, goddamn it!
My diet’s been working! Quite well, actually. But I’ll save what I’ve been doing to lose weight for another article.
This one’s specifically here to share some of the obviously conflicting thoughts I’ve had while I’ve been on this months-long diet. Just for a few lighthearted laughs at my obviously confused brain’s expense for those who haven’t encountered such thoughts, and to reassure those of you who have had thoughts like these that you’re certainly not the only one.
Disclaimer: Obviously these thoughts are not direct paradoxes for the most part. They’re just conflicting passing thoughts, sometimes happening within the same hour, sometimes within the same week. I’d never bother taking them too seriously, as they’re pretty fleeting. Healthy overall outlook on dieting, though, doesn’t stop a few misguided thoughts from entering my mind!
Now onto it!
Some of the conflicting thoughts dieting brings
This is so easy! It doesn’t feel like a diet at all. Feels more like a lifestyle change!
If I don’t continue to lose weight, I’ll be so upset… all that hard work for nothing!
I want to look hot! To be desired – and I know I can do that if I just lose some more weight.
I don’t care if I look hot; I’m just dieting because I want to be healthier.
I never want to be one of those people who feels like her diet is a diet.
Can’t eat that. Can’t eat that. Won’t eat that. Am not breaking my diet for that!
I never want to calorie count. It feels a lot less like a diet if I don’t!
*Checks calorie count almost obsessively on nearly everything edible in the house; just doesn’t add up what she’s eaten that day.*
Oh my goodness have I gained weight back?
*Meanwhile, has never before been this skinny.*
I don’t care if I get skinnier, I look amazing right now!
Please, please, please let me not cap out at losing weight quite yet!!
I’d be so happy if I just reached my goal weight within a year of when I first started dieting!
I kinda really wish I’d get to my goal weight within the next week or two.
I really hope my husband finds me more attractive if I lose some weight.
I’m not dieting for my husband! This has nothing to do with him – this is for me!
I’m so glad my husband doesn’t care if I lose weight or not and just wants me to be happy with my weight. He didn’t even find me unattractive at “my worst.”
*Still asks husband obsessively anyway if he’d care if I never lost any more weight.* *Husband answers reassuringly he didn’t ever mind me losing or not losing weight to begin with. Even when I’d supposedly gained a lot of weight before, still liked the way I looked.* *Assured but still cycle repeats.*
I have no problem eating carbs when I want to! I’m doing a low carb diet, not a no carb diet!
*Stares fearfully at bread like it’s “the enemy;” yet simultaneously wants to eat it.. with peanut butter.*
*After eating “the enemy” with peanut butter AND jam, feels guilt, worry, and hopes it won’t affect diet.*
*Literally seconds later eats another slice of bread without even bothering to put anything on it. Because f*ck it. Low carb, not no carb!*
*Stares in the mirror.* I look so much better. I’m so happy with my progress.
Next day: *Stares in the mirror.* I really wish I’d lost more weight by now.
I’m so glad I’m losing weight slowly. Supposedly it’s easier to keep off when you lose it slowly.
I wish I could lose just the last stone I want off in like a week or two. Oh wait –
I feel like I’m ending up back at my old weight. So upsetting.
These pants feel like fat pants, I really need to get some that are my new size.
I swear I’ve gained weight back.
*Stares at new, smaller sized wedding band that had to be replaced because of so much lost weight and is now fitting much better than when it was first bought.*
Dieting is the worst! It is better to make a lifestyle change, as you wrote. I try to stay away from sugar and all carbs, and I hardly every weight myself. In my opinion, dieting is a big waste of time and effort. I wish I would have spent less time of my younger years worrying about how I looked and what I ate.
Still, we need to be healthy to be active and happy in the world, don’t you think?
My current “diet” mainly consists of cutting down on specific carbs (bread, crackers, etc. – pasta is still fine al dente, rice with some dinners, totally cool, just not too much) and replacing my favourite guilty pleasures with lower calorie versions of the same thing (i.e. darker chocolates instead of milk chocolates, since really, chocolate is my main vice ;)). I’ve never really cared for carbs that much, but I still ate them just cause they were around (and filling & cheap!).
Now I’m more careful about what I eat, and spend more on buying things I like rather than just eating things that are mediocre taste-wise so I can have more food quantity-wise. It’s a diet, but it’s also sort of a way of spoiling myself and trying to change my attitude toward food. I want to convince myself that if I eat healthier, it’s worth spending more on foods I ultimately would’ve liked to have previously, but in the past have kept myself from purchasing because they’re more expensive.
Dieting was never really something I did in the past, but I still feel like I’ve had almost an obsession with food because I always felt, if I like something, that I should eat as much of it as I can when I have it, in case I wish I had more of it later. I needed to switch the gears in my head from looking at food as “need more” to looking at food as “want higher quality, even if it’s a little less portion-wise.” Was so hard for me to look at food and think “nope, don’t want/need that” before, even if I was full or didn’t particularly think it was tasty food; now hopefully that’ll be changing.
Activity – that’s another story completely. I am so unfit haha. But I figured if I dieted my way to a healthier attitude toward food it’d be a first step, then I can add on with exercise when I’m ready.